I was doing a meditation this morning, and selected “let the universe decide” as guidance on my app. Once the meditation started, the guide “Chad” described what the practice would be about. Sleep. It was a sleep meditation, at 9 am.
But in true “me” fashion, I was multitasking at the beginning of the practice. I decided it was a good time, while I was still, to do the EDA scan on my Fitbit. So I was lying on the floor, with one hand on my stomach, the other holding both sides of my Fitbit, for three minutes. At the same time Chad was telling me he was gonna put me to sleep.
I didn’t want to stop the scan. So I went with it. I know. No judging.
Three minutes of breathing. 4 seconds in, 7 second hold, 8 seconds exhale. Those three minutes were the same three minutes I was focused on my EDA. No, I wasn’t relaxed and focused on breathing. I was tense, my heart rate was going up, not down, and the breath work didn’t feel cleansing like it usually does.
Next up. Let everything go. And I did. I let go of the previous three minutes, and sunk into the quiet, thinking “just don’t fall asleep.”
And then my good friend Chad threw this bomb at me, and I knew why this meditation was chosen for me.
Trust in yourself as you are, not in who you think you should be.
There it was. I’ve been struggling with faith in myself as I try to build a speaking career without the resources I had in previous years. All of the work I’d done over the last 8 years was gone - the relationships with schools were built through the business I was associated with, not my name. Credit for my ideas, my knowledge, my extensive learning, my skill, has to be rebuilt.
And I’ve been frustrated with this, because this is what I’m meant to be doing. I’ve worked hard to get here. Starting a Social Media Conversation has been built because of my commitment to listen, without judgment. It’s not about ego, or talking in front of hundreds or thousands of people. It’s about helping the kids.
I’m showing up. I’m listening. I’m building relationships. I’m providing resources. I’m making a difference. I’m helping kids.
As. I. Am. Breath out Jo. 4 in. Hold for 7. Exhale for 8. What’s meant for you is coming. Trust in yourself as you are.
I've been waiting, standing in the dark for hours, Tryin' to find the faith and the power, starting all over again ~ Bon Jovi ~