Why Taking Away a Phone Can Make Anxiety Worse

When we see our kids struggling with anxiety, it’s natural to want to remove anything that might make it worse. For many parents, that means taking away the phone. It seems like a quick fix. Less exposure to pressure, fewer stressors, and hopefully less anxiety. But here’s the truth: removing the phone can actually increase the struggles we’re trying to ease.

Phones Are Both Stressors and Supports

Social media can be overwhelming. Apps like Instagram or Snapchat sometimes fuel comparison and create pressure to measure up. It’s no wonder studies show many teens believe social media increases anxiety. But phones aren’t just stressors. They’re also lifelines.

For teens, a phone is often the fastest way to reach out to friends, share worries, or feel less alone. When we take that away, we don’t just remove the stress; we also cut off vital support. That disconnection can leave kids feeling even more isolated, which makes anxiety worse.

What the Research Really Shows

Research on technology and mental health isn't as black and white as some would lead you to believe. Excessive screen time in spaces that feed comparison or breed competition, can raise anxiety and depression risks. But moderate use, especially for connecting with peers, can actually improve mental health and give kids an outlet when life feels heavy.

The issue isn’t the phone itself. It’s how, when, and why it’s being used. Our role is to help kids recognize which online spaces fuel them and which ones drain them.

Reconnecting With Our Kids

Here’s the piece we often miss: when we’re busy or distracted, our kids sometimes turn to their devices because they can’t find connection with us. And we’re not immune either. Our own phones can get in the way. If we simply remove their device, without offering more presence, we risk deepening that disconnection. Yep. If you take theirs away, you should put yours away.

Reconnection doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as sitting beside them and asking about what’s making them laugh, leaving phones aside at dinner, or inviting them out for a walk or a coffee. These little moments remind our kids that we’re here, we care, and we want to know them. When that bond feels strong, phones don’t carry the same weight. They become one connection point among many, not the only one.

Starting the Conversation

Rather than framing phone use as a problem to fix, we can frame it as an experience to understand. The way we ask matters. Gentle, curious questions often open doors where lectures shut them.

• “Wanna go grab coffee and you can catch me up on the tea?”

• “I find myself grabbing my phone just because it’s easier than deciding what else to do. I kinda miss the things I used to do. What’s it like for you, since phones have always been part of your life?”

• “Are you worried about anyone?”

  
  

Questions like these turn conversations from monitoring into connecting and that’s when kids are most likely to share what’s really going on.

Watching for Signs of Anxiety

Of course, phones alone aren’t the full story. Anxiety shows up in other ways, too. Changes in sleep, irritability, withdrawing from family or friends, or trouble focusing - if you notice these shifts, approach with empathy. The goal isn’t punishment. It’s helping your child feel seen, safe, and supported.

Final Thought

Taking away a phone might feel like a solution, but for many teens it can make things worse. Instead of removing a lifeline, let’s help our kids use it wisely, while giving them stronger connections offline too. Anxiety is heavy, but when kids know they’re supported both online and at home, they’re better equipped to carry it.