"Go find something to do" is one of the most used, and least effective phrases in the parenting handbook (the one that you didn't get when they turned into teenagers!). Stress can be looked at as a continuum, with too little stress being as destructive to motivation, growth and learning as too much stress. There are things we can do to help our kids work within the pocket of optimal stress - pushing the edges of the comfort zone.
1. Assess Current Stress Levels
Observation: Pay attention to your teen's behavior and routines. Are they spending too much time on passive activities like lying in bed or playing video games? Do they seem disinterested in activities they used to enjoy?
Communication: Have open, non-judgmental conversations about how they feel. Ask about their daily experiences, stressors, and sources of enjoyment.
2. Encourage Self-Care
Sleep: Ensure they have a consistent sleep schedule. Teens need about 8-10 hours of sleep per night. Create a relaxing bedtime routine and minimize screen time before bed.
Physical Activity: Encourage regular physical exercise, whether it’s a sport, a walk, or a dance class. Physical activity boosts mood and energy levels.
Relaxation: Teach relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. These can help manage stress and improve mental health.
Fun Activities: Help them find hobbies or activities they enjoy, whether it’s playing a musical instrument, painting, or reading.
3. Introduce New Challenges
Passion Projects: Identify activities that spark their interest. This could be building a complex Lego set, coding a simple game, or crafting a DIY project.
Skill-Building: Encourage them to learn something new. This could be taking an online course in a subject they’re curious about, learning to cook a new recipe, or mastering a new sport.
Gamified Learning: If they enjoy video games, introduce educational games that can provide both fun and learning. Some games teach strategy, coding, or even history.
4. Support Structural Growth
Education: Encourage them to engage in educational activities outside of school, such as attending workshops, joining study groups, or participating in educational clubs.
Work: If age-appropriate, a part-time job can provide structure and responsibility while teaching valuable life skills.
Healthy Environments: Create a positive home environment that supports learning and growth. This can include a designated study area or a space for creative projects.
5. Enhance Social Support
Family Time: Plan regular family activities that everyone enjoys. This can be as simple as a weekly movie night or a family game night.
Friendships: Encourage them to maintain and build friendships. Facilitate meet-ups with friends or support their involvement in group activities. Remember, social media might be an important part of this for them.
Community Engagement: Get them involved in community service or local clubs. Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose and connection.
6. Develop Skills
Emotional Management: Teach them techniques for managing their emotions, such as journaling, talking about their feelings, or practicing mindfulness.
Social Skills: Role-play different social scenarios to help them build confidence in interacting with others. Discuss topics like active listening, empathy, and conflict resolution.
Academic Skills: Help them develop effective study habits and time management skills. This can include setting up a homework schedule or teaching them how to use a planner.
Financial Literacy: Introduce basic financial concepts like budgeting, saving, and understanding money management. This can be done through real-life practice, like managing a small allowance.
7. Adjust as Needed
Monitor and Reflect: Regularly check in with your teen to see how they’re coping. Adjust their activities and challenges based on their feedback and your observations.
Be Flexible: Be prepared to modify expectations and support as their needs change. Sometimes, they might need more downtime, while other times, they might be ready for new challenges.
Try Applying It:
Imagine your teen is spending most of their summer playing video games and seems unmotivated. Here’s how you can apply the above steps:
Assess: Notice they’re bored and unengaged. Discuss how they’re feeling and what they’re interested in. Short sentences or replies often mean they're expecting to be judged, or given something to do they won't be interested in.
Self-Care: Ensure they have a healthy sleep routine and encourage daily physical activity, like a morning jog or a bike ride.
New Challenges: Find out they love tech. Encourage them to take an online coding class or build a simple app.
Structural Support: Encourage a part-time job at a local store or a volunteer position at a tech camp.
Social Support: Organize family outings and encourage meet-ups with friends who share their interests. Often with teens these meet-ups will include gaming or video chats.
Skill Development: Encourage them to build on a skill or play a game they don't already excel at.
Adjust: Regularly check in to see if they’re feeling overwhelmed or if they need more challenge.
What's most important as you move through these steps is that you do it WITH them, not FOR them. By approaching their needs holistically, and fully involving them in the choices, you can help your teen find a balance of stress that promotes growth and engagement. You'll probably find you're less stressed too! I'm interested to know, how many of these things do you already do to support your teen?
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