Last year, while working in a high school, I had a profound conversation with a student about the fear of missing out (FOMO). As I listened to what FOMO looked like for them, I realized there were actually two distinct fears at play: the fear of missing out and the fear of missing it. These two fears sound the same, but they are very different in nature and impact on our teens.
The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
FOMO is a term most of us are familiar with. It encompasses the anxiety that arises when teens are overly focused on notifications, worried about their Snapchat scores, who their best friends are, maintaining streaks, and the fear of not answering messages promptly. It’s the anxiety about not being included in group chats or social events that their peers are involved in. Essentially, FOMO is driven by the fear of being left out of social circles and missing out on social experiences.
The Fear of Missing IT
In contrast, the fear of missing it is something deeper and more nuanced. This fear is about missing critical signals regarding a friend’s mental health. The student I spoke with expressed concern about being offline because they might miss a crucial message or video from a friend that could indicate their mental state. They were worried about not being there for a friend who might need a safe person to talk to or to offer support.
Addressing These Fears
Two approaches are necessary. While FOMO can often be addressed by helping teens manage their social media use and setting healthy boundaries, the fear of missing it requires a more sensitive and thoughtful approach.
Taking away social media isn’t the solution here. Instead, we need to engage in conversations about mental health and how to support friends in distress. It’s about teaching our teens to recognize signs of mental health struggles and empowering them to be there for their peers, and to bring us into these important conversations.
Listening a Step Deeper
When teens talk about their challenges, we have to listen beyond the surface. We need to ask better questions to understand what's actually going on. By doing so, we can provide more meaningful support and guidance.
Right now, our conversations around these fears are often broad and generalized. We need to shift towards deeper, more targeted discussions. When a teen brings up FOMO, we should explore whether they are also experiencing the fear of missing it. This deeper understanding allows us to help them navigate their social worlds more effectively and provide the support they need.
Recognizing and addressing the fear of missing out and the fear of missing it in teens requires us to listen more carefully and engage in more profound conversations. By doing so, we can better support our teens in managing their social interactions and mental health, fostering a more supportive and understanding environment for them to thrive.
We have to step in!
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